The Lithuanian Armed Freedom Forces

Tired of the same old safe job?

Then come discover excitement in the Lithuanian Armed Freedom Forces!

Superpowers such as the U.S.S.R. got you down? Do they seem too old? too encrusted in bureaucracy?

The LAFF has great things in store for you! We're new! We're unproved! We're interested in you!

The Communist Superpowers provide an excellent opportunity for in-the-field training and confrontational military experience. You'll learn how to get the message through to World Communism!

There's no question that a career in the LAFF has a life for you that promises lots of action. There is no reason why you shouldn't join up today.

Consider this scenario: Coming out of college, Mikhail decides on a career in a corporate law firm. Soon, he finds himself surrounded by lousy neighbors and persistent I.R.S. tax collectors. Eventually he dies from stress and tainted spring water.

Boris, on the other way, cleverly joins the LAFF, where he gets to live in the fresh outdoors air and do what man does most naturally: kill people.

Whereas Mikhail spends his life hid behind stacks of paperwork, Boris lives freely in plain sight!

You, as well, can live a successful life as Boris did by joining the LAFF. We are inserting young men and women into well targeted positions right now.

How can you get into these highly contested areas today? Go to your nearest Lithuanian embassy and say: "Ya khachoo vam dat moy zhizhn."

What? You say you hardly know any Russian words? So much the better! We will teach you fresh how to speak Lithuanian.

As you spend more and more years in our fine country, you will begin to become even more associated with the ground you are fighting for.

Besides coming to live in the world's most beautiful new country, you will be given clothes, food and weapons. What goods does Mikhail get from working in the big corporation?

Join the LAFF. It may not be a holiday, but think where your life is leading you the next time you are stuck in a grid lock traffic jam.